I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
