I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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