I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
