As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
