get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
