My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
