Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
