Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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