i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
