he was CRYING into my vagina
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
