apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
