Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think my moral compass just broke
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
