i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
