Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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