If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
