just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
