$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
