I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
