New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
