my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
