Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
