I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
