oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
