hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My vagina is very pro this idea
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
