so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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