I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
