margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Someone came in the potted fern
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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