He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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