trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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