I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
