Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
