I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
