3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
