I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
