Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
