she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
