i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
