life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
