I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
