Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
