She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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