My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
