dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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