i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
