You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
