Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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