ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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