At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
