i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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