im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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